


Will You Stay?

by teleport_to_sans



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Romance, Sharing a Bed, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 21:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teleport_to_sans/pseuds/teleport_to_sans
Summary: Bucky and Reader love each other. But neither of them knows.





	Will You Stay?

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first time writing a serious fanfic! let me know how i did,

Love had become an escape to Bucky. Every time he let the idea of being in love, let alone being loved, drift into his thoughts, he humored it of course. It was like a fantasy. He knew deep down nobody could understand his experiences. But what was the harm in entertaining yourself? It reminded him of when you were a kid, and you had dreams you could fly. Just out of your grasp but still imaginable. 

Just a fantasy. 

And it remained a fantasy. Until Y/N.

Every thing became so much more tangible when their paths crossed. 

Long story short, 10 years ago, Y/N was taken by Hydra at 15, tortured, given her powers, and became their shining star. She had pyrokinesis, so basically, she could control and create fire. I guess she was less a shining star than a blazing one. See, not many experiments like her's worked out for Hydra, but lucky her. She survived. Y/N did their dirty work and stayed in line. Y/N was not afraid to die. After witnessing so much death, anyone would've been used to the thought. But she didn't want to sustain any more hurt than she already did by being stubborn.

3 years in, her Hydra base was infiltrated by none other than the Avengers. A man with a bow and a red-haired woman burst into her room with vigor. She wasn't even startled. Just wondering what would happen next. Normally she would flick her hand and create chaos, but something pulled Y/N to the duo. And it seemed like they sensed something too. Meant to be? No, but it felt like the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle. It fit.

The man and woman looked at each other and the ladder put her gun in the holster. "She's a kid." She whispered. He shrugged.

The man turned to me. "Hey. I'm Clint. This is Natasha." he said

"Hi Clint and Natasha. Here to kill us all?" Y/N half joked, trying to relieve tension.

"Not really. We're the good guys. Fighting bad guys. Wanna get out of this hellhole?"

"Sounds like a plan, Clint."

Y/N came back to the compound with the Avengers that day. She came home. This is where Bucky fits in. For the next 7-ish years, she and Buck slowly got closer until they were just about inseparable. Just about. But, unknown feelings bubbled to the surface. Bucky LOVED her. He loved the way she looked while deep in thought. He loved her handwriting. Her disheveled, wavy hair. The way she didn't walk on eggshells around him, she didn't see him as a weapon. How she held his hand at press conferences when he was nervous. Most things Y/N did, he adored. She could've punched him square in the face and he would still find something to admire about it. And what a coincidence that they share experiences, too! He just wanted her. 

It kept him up most nights that his need for her was never gonna be reciprocated. That the one time he was head over heels, he was too weak to tell her. 

Or so he thought.

\-----

"Are you really this oblivious?" Nat said, shaking her head in disbelief. She looked to Wanda, sitting across the kitchen island, for support. 

Wanda took Nat's glare as her queue. "Y/N, you and Buck make eye contact with each other and the whole rest of the world fades. C'mon! Just admit there's SOMETHING there." She pleaded, smiling at you.

I took a deep breath in and out. "I am not authorized to disclose such information- but no." They chucked and Y/N felt relieved, hoping she threw them off track. She picked herself up from the stool and started walking back to her room, stopping at the entrance to the kitchen. "And no, Wanda, you aren't aloud to read my mind. Ok, I'm off to bed. Goodnight guys." Wanda sighed and nodded. 

Right as Y/N left, Steve Rogers appears.

Taking Nat and Wanda's disappointed expression as a sign, he grabbed a water bottle and sat with them.

"They're still denying it, huh?" He questioned with a smirk.

"Yeah, she's gonna be a tough one to crack." Nat responded. "Have you talked to Buck yet?"

"I will. Soon."

\-----

As Y/N found her way back to her room, through the cold hallways, she felt herself slipping into a less cheerful state. Less herself. She waited until she got into the elevator to let tears prickle her eyes, watching the floor. It was like she was avoiding eye contact with someone, but she was alone. She felt dumb. Dumb for letting a dumb man effect her so dumb feelings so deeply. But she knew he was everything but dumb to her. 

Y/N finally reached her room and immediately put sweats on and climbed in bed, not even bothering to wipe the tears that had dropped on her cheeks, still deep in thought.

She just wanted to get over these silly emotions already. Surely, there was something wrong with her, right? This is just a weird brain mix up, right? Life had been peaceful until this last year. She was able to sleep in the same bed as Bucky and not write little love notes all over him with her eyes. But, maybe it wasn't a malfunction. Maybe it was real. 

And she knew it was, but she kept trying to smush it down and act like she didn't. Y/N regretted every decision she made leading up to this. Not really, but she wished it would've turned out differently. Why did it have to be him?

She LOVED him. Most things Bucky did, Y/N adored.

It kept her up most nights that her need for him was never gonna be reciprocated. That the one time she was head over heels, she was too weak to tell him. 

Or so she thought.

\-----

After a couple hours of drifting in and out of sleep, Y/N looked over to the clock. 3:18 am, it read. She grunted and dragged herself out of the bed, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders like a cape and letting it fall behind her. She wasn't gonna fall asleep for more than 20 minutes anyway. 

Y/N carried her emotional baggage so well on the outside, but mentally she was a wreck. Although she was close with all the Avengers, only Bucky knew that. They spent countless nights comparing scars and crying and just FEELING together. It was comfortable for them, it always had been. Maybe that's why Y/N waltzed out of her room at 3 am. Not to 'Get something to eat' like she told herself. But to seek comfort in the form of an assassin. But who knows, right?

As she got near the kitchen, she smiled faintly. The lights were on. Only one other assassin would be awake at these wee hours! Y/N tried to push down the smile, but couldn't help but beam when she saw Bucky hunched over the counter, eating cereal.

"Hey, buddy." she sang. 

He smiled back at her. "What are you doing up?"

"Well what else is there to do at 3 am? Sleep? Ha." she scoffed, and he chuckled in return.

"Looks like we have something in common then." His eyes shone and Y/N's heart swelled up. "Wanna do something?"

"I think I'm too exhausted to do anything except sleep. But, alas." Y/N said, disapointed.

"Well we could do that together too, if you want. It might help." Bucky spoke eagerly, not wanting to pass up an opportunity to spend time with her. Also not realizing that what he said was an innuendo. 

Y/N's eyebrows raised and she burst out laughing, covering her mouth to try to muffle the noise.

"No, wait-" 

But Y/N kept laughing, and Bucky couldn't help but join her.

After a few moments, and the laughter ceased, Bucky said, smiling, "Hey, that wasn't what I meant and you know it!" pointing his finger at her jokingly. 

"Yeah, but it was still funny, you big dumbass." still catching her breath, she grabbed his hand, which made both of their cheeks flush. "I say that with love."

"C'mon." she tried to drag Bucky by his hand back to his room, but he stood still, and with a big grin on his face. 

"Oh, no." Y/N whispered, knowing what was happening next.

"Oh, yes." In 1 swift movement, he picked her up bridal style, the blanket still covering her like a baby. She giggled and his heart skipped a beat. 

'I wish we could stay like this forever.' they both thought, finding their way back to his bed to hopefully, and finally, sleep.

Bucky set Y/N down on his bed gently and pulled the comforter over her. She beamed at him with that damn smile. It was like a chemical reaction. Y/N smiling made Bucky smile. Just breathing the same air had made them both content. 

He joined her under the cover and hesitated for a moment. His heartbeat sped up while he was trying to make a decision. 

'Here goes nothing.' He moved close to her, so his front was pressed against her back, and wrapped his arms around her. Chills. She got chills. He was warm, and his metal arm was cold. Bucky was perfectly balanced. Neither of them had to say anything. They just existed together.

'How much closer to perfect can a man get?' her mind raced. The proximity made her insides flutter, but she didn't dare move away. In fact, it didn't seem like enough. Her hand wrapped the metal arm that flawlessly fit around her waist. And everything was still. His mind had no other thoughts but her. How she wasn't phased by the arm one bit. Nobody dared touch the machinery. Nobody but Y/N. Her name bounced around in his head until he fell asleep, and a dreamless sleep for once.

Being an Avenger, you were always needed, you were never without work to do. Not to mention the guilt and stress. It was suffocating. But now, the connection between Bucky and Y/N was absolute, and everything else was washed away. 

She was terrified.

\-----

Waking up in Bucky's room was always a present to Y/N. Especially now, having him pressed against her and snoozing peacefully. But, the peace did not last long. She had a lot to think about. And a big question to ask herself.

Why is she scared? 

Unfortunately, she knew why. And she did not like it. Y/N was getting too close. He couldn't feel the same way, so won't this hurt worse? To be bonded even more? And then have it all come crashing down when he starts dating. When he gets married and has kids. When he's happy without her. Maybe I have to make distance. To heal. To be able to forget.' she considered. And it broke her heart that it seemed like the right thing to do. 

So, she pried herself from his arms, making sure he didn't wake up, and sulked back to her room. This was gonna fucking suck.

\-----

Over the next couple weeks, Y/N gradually started avoiding most contact with her teammates. And trying to get out of missions with Bucky. Especially Bucky. Her Bucky. Or at least, he was supposed to be.

Natasha and Clint brought her food after she stopped showing up to dinner, and this broke her even more. Knowing that they cared that much even after trying to steer clear of them.

It had been almost 5 weeks, and yet none of her feelings had changed for him. Every conversation she cut short with Bucky was another night she cried herself to sleep. Was this even worth it?

Later that night, Natasha knocked on your door to bring dinner.

"Friday, let her in." and so the AI did.

"Hey, babes." she walked towards the bed and set the plate on your bedside table. Seeing you laid with your back to her, she had had enough, she wanted Y/N back. "We're all worried about you. But i think you know that. Have you even talked to Bucky recently?" no response. "Why are you doing this?" she said calmly, trying to be sensitive.

"I love him."

"What?"

You turned around to face her with tears threatening to spill out, and she saw Nat's face soften. "Bucky. I love him. I'm IN love with him. And I shouldn't be. We're supposed to be best friends. I'll ruin it all." Y/N expected Nat to say something encouraging, but instead she just wrapped her arms around her, and they stayed like that for what seemed to be forever. She just listened. And let Y/N cry and cry. Which was the best thing she could've offered her.

"Please don't tell anybody but Wanda."

"Oh, she definitely already knew." Nat confessed. And Y/N laughed for the first time in weeks.

\-----

After talking with Nat, and her understanding, Y/N felt significantly better. Not enough to come to dinner, but it was still progress. In fact, she had decided to leave her room to get a snack when everyone was asleep. Nat would be proud. 

Y/N grabbed her blanket-cape and traveled to the kitchen to get some tea. It still hurt. It hurt to stand in the place where she last talked to Bucky with purpose. She couldn't even bear the thought of how her absence made him feel. She couldn't bear the thought of Bucky at all. Y/N was nothing but a big wad of emotions at the moment.

That's when she heard it. A scream. Then a man struggling, but muffled through walls. Like he was being ripped apart. It was ringing in your ears, because Y/N knew what it was. A nightmare. And she'd never heard him scream like that. 

The mug of tea crashed to the ground and she ran to Bucky's room. Not even her wad of emotions could hold her back from helping him right now.

Y/N reached his door, still hearing his struggling behind the door, just beyond her reach. She jiggled the door knob, but it didn't budge. "Friday, let me in!" and the AI obliged.

Bucky was writhing on his bed, his blankets, sheets, and pillows scattered around the room. He was completely drenched in sweat and his movements were jarring. Like he was trying to fight, but his limbs were tied down. Y/N stared for a moment, terrified. 

She rushed over to him and cradled his body in her arms, rocking back and forth. 

"Please wake up. Please." she chanted. 'This is my fault. I left him alone.' she thought. She left him alone. He showed no response to her pleads.

"Buck. Bucky. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're safe." She rocked harder and her tears streamed down and hit his shoulders and chest. He was shaking violently. Y/N felt panicked now. This was the worst one yet.

"BUCKY PLEASE WAKE UP! I'M SORRY. PLEASE!" she yelled. Y/N grabbed his hands and whispered to him, trying to calm down. "You're safe." over and over and over.

His breathing steadied and Y/N was relieved, still rocking him gently.

Then Bucky's eyes opened suddenly, and he tried to make out the figure that brought him back to reality.

"Y/N?"

It was very melancholy. Time stood still, a familiar feeling. Every emotion for the past 3 weeks flooded back into his body, just seeing her when he was vulnerable. 

After Y/N hid away, so did he. He stopped leaving his room, stopped coming to dinner, stopped going anywhere she wasn't. But he couldn't bring himself to find her, because he caused this, right?  
'It has to be my fault. I took a risk, and broke everything. I shouldn't have touched her like that, and now she doesn't want to see me.' he thought. Half of him had been torn away. What else could he lose? He became reckless during missions, and hostile when anybody asked him about her. He was broken. Just broken. 

'Do you love her?' Steve asked gently.

'How could I not? If I could have anything in the world, it would be her. But I fucked it up.' He cried. And Steve listened.

Then everything collected and he was back in the present.

"Hi, Buck." she faintly smiled, still crying.

He wiped her tears with his thumb and Y/N closed her eyes, trying to process everything that just happened. More tears fell still.

He had never felt more wanting for her than now. "Will you stay?" 

Now Y/N realized she had to rip herself from the situation once again. Heartbreaking. "I- I can't. I'm sorry." she started to gather herself and stood up. "I'm glad I helped. I hope you're okay." she still had not ceased crying. It was a lot, after 5 weeks. She turned away and willed herself to walk out. But his hand caught her wrist.

"Please. Tell me what I did."

"You didn't do anyth-" she took her arm from his grasp, not willing to look him in the eyes.

"I miss you. I miss you so much and I can't imagine not having you in my life."

Her face scrunched up and she sobbed, her back to him still.

"These past weeks have been hell. And all I want in the world is you. Please." Now he was desperate.

Y/N tried to leave but Bucky ran in front of her. She stared at the floor

"I can't-" He sobbed. "I'll do anything to fix it."

"Bucky-"

"I love you. I'm in love with you."

Her head snapped up. And the last tears fell. She was stunned. Moments passed, full of heavy breathing and tension. They just looked at each other. Taking in what had just been said.

Bucky looked down at his hands, and back up to Y/N. He gestured his hand between them. 

"Are you telling me-" He took a deep breath. "You don't feel anything between us. At all?"

And then she stepped towards him, and crashed her lips into his. Her hands were in his hair. It was fueled by weeks of missing each other, and just pure passion. He deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her middle. Once again, everything faded and it was just them. And everything fit. He needed her, she needed him. 

She pulled away first, much to his dismay.

"I love you too." She said as she wiped her tears. "I got scared, and i didn't think you felt the same way and-" he kissed her again, and she locked her legs around his waist. Buck carried them back to the bed, and laid so he was on top of her. 

"Say it again."

"I love you." 

He kissed her.

"Again."

"I love you."

He kissed her.

"Again."

"I love you so hard." She grinned at him. And then he laughed. For the first since forever, she made him laugh. They both sighed contently, and Bucky laid his head in the crook of her neck.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." he mumbled.

"I was thinking the same thing."

And it was no longer a fantasy.

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this uwu :')


End file.
